Don’t Tire Your Audience with a 100lb Suitcase Story
You could crush an audience with the words of a 100lb suitcase story.
A 100lb suitcase story is a story that has excessive detail and information to a point where a listener cannot unpack everything said keep track of everything happening in the story.
The verbal weight of these kind of stories compress or conceals a message, make the speaker sound like they are reciting verbose novel than a oral story, and tire the audience from the excess of info.
Let’s examine traits of 100lb suitcase stories, so you can do the opposite and insights on how you can tell a non 100lb suitcase story.
NOTE: The story example is an incomplete fragment that starts at the beginning and is exaggerated to include traits to avoid in your stories. The ‘. . .’ indicates a content cutoff gap
Traits of the 100lb Suitcase Story vs. Story
100LB SUITCASE VERSION
- Sounds written novel meant for the eyes to read
- Blends relevant and irrelevant details
- Excessive baggage between the beginning and the end
- Too much overload with descriptions and details
- Too much excess of locations, characters, and or action
- Highlighting everything which makes audience uncertain on what’s important and why story is being told
STORY VERSION
- Sounds like spoken story meant for the ears to hear
- Selects only relevant details
- Eliminates baggage between the beginning and the end to keep story moving
- Just enough descriptions and details
- Few locations, characters, and actions
- Highlighting select information which makes audience certain on what’s important and why story is being told
Comparing 100lb Suitcase Version to Story Version
100LB SUITCASE VERSION
After taking the 7am flight from Madison to Jacksonville, I met my Taxi driver Oliver who drank a diet root beer and wore a spotted scarf and fringed bell bottoms. I offered him a 10oz recycled plastic bottle of zucchini zum, one of my 9 vegetable flavor drinks. I told him if I get a deal signed today then my drinks will appear in all major grocery chains. My first glass of asparagus juice when I was 7 led me to this point. Let me tell you about the 3 decades prior to this day . . .
Oliver took me to Luby Towers a 23 story Danish glass architecture skyscraper. As I rode the elevator to the 23rd floor, I adjusted my triple Windsor knot spotted Brussels sprout silk tie. I thought about the people who made this deal possible such as my business mentor Alonzo Sploindigglox When Alonzo was born . . .
When I entered the almond painted meeting room 4B with on the southeast side of Luby Towers 7 executives sat around a rectangular table . Let me tell you about each of them . . .
Jarvis said, “We think your drink has potential.” Then Meredith said, “But we do have a concern,” before she got interrupted by Kearny who then got cutoff by Mr. Hamawiditch while Miles spoke over Angelina and Dotty . . .
STORY VERSION
I stood in front of Luby Towers and adjusted my tie. If I got this deal signed then my vegetable drinks will appear in all major grocery chains.
I rode the elevator to the 23rd floor. Outside the meeting room my throat felt dry, my neck felt tense, and my hands felt damp as I fumbled the door handle.
7 executives sat around a table. I felt like the size of ant standing in the front of them.
Mr. Hamawiditch pulled from ice cooler my zucchini zum drink and said. “We think your drink has potential.” I thought ‘this is good’.
Then he said, “But, we do have a concern.” Then I thought, ‘this is bad’.
The main problem with 100lb suitcase stories is the listening strain on the audience who has the burden of unpacking the excessive details and information of the story.
After hearing a 100lb suitcase story you need take a quick nap as story’s excessive details exhaust you.
Commentary on improvement
- The 100lb Suitcase Version begins too early with info about the flight and taxi ride. This information adds nothing to the story and occurs outside of the main setting. The Story Version starts the main setting of Lubby Towers and includes the crucial info about the speaker’s vegetable drink deal.
- In the 100lb Suitcase Version info about vegetable drink origins and Alonzo the business mentor draws focus away from the current story of the vegetable drink deal in the present. The excessive details at the beginning of the story make the audience think ‘How long will this take.’ The Story Version selects the key elements that occur at Luby Towers with the executives.
- The info overload of details in the 100lb Suitcase Version weights the story down which makes moving the story a drag on the audience’s attention. The Story Version cuts details unrelated to the key events in the meeting room. The light details allow the story to glide along at a brisker pace which makes absorbing the story easier for the audience.
- The excessive details in the 100lb Suitcase Version clouds the main element of the story which is speaker’s nervousness about the vegetable drinks deal. The Story Version trims away distracting details to spotlight the focus on the speaker’s nervousness about the vegetable drinks deal.
- With the 100lb Suitcase Version the 7 executives talking turns the scene into disjointed noise. The multiple names and people talking makes dialogue is difficult to follow. In the Story Version all the executives’ crucial dialogue has merged into 1 executive speaking which makes the back and forth between the speaker and the executive easier to follow.
Other story styles to avoid and suggestions for storytelling improvement:
Don’t Give Your Audience Indigestion with Hotdog Stories
Stay Away From Telling Trampoline Stories
Would you like to transform your storytelling abilities then contact Nate.